I got a new job! Yes yes, I did.
*sings* Nooooo moooore Mavis, No moooore hurting myself, No moooore regional, No moooore dirty hands. Mavis is out for summer! Mavis is out forever!
I’m starting working for Spectrum in a few weeks as an outside sales representative. It sounds super fun. I’ve worked a lot of different jobs in different fields but not like this, so it’ll be a nice change. It sounds like a great company to work for where I’ll actually be able to move up and make a nice salary. But we’ll save that for a different blog.
James’s birthday was Monday and I made him a cake. I felt at peace, like an actual wife. I bought candles and he made a wish. I wonder what it was!?
We went to dinner last night to celebrate and watched the new James Bond movie “No Time to Die”. It was relaxing to watch a movie together that he hasn’t seen. I felt so connected to him like we were being together on a deeper level since he is a huge fan of the series since the 1st movie. We were doing something that HE wanted to for once and I was along for it. To share with his, passion may be too strong a word but something like that.
Bond falls in love with a pretty blonde woman and for once in my life, for once in this journey to be a woman, I wasn’t jealous. I was imagining myself as her and James as James Bond. The love they shared was so deep and passionate. It wasn’t a romantic movie, it’s a Bond flic afterall, but it was well worked in. I even cried at the end and it felt… good. I know it sounds corny or that I am stereotyping women but as I placed myself in her shoes the whole movie with her love for James, I reflected on my own love for my James. The fact that I wasn’t jealous of her beauty speaks volumes for my confidence.
So onto dreams. I am a believer that dreams have some meaning about the subconscious and past lives. I enjoy analyzing ones that stick with me and seem to be telling me something about myself. I am a vivid dreamer. Color, sound, feeling. I even have this ability to know that I am dreaming and can even commentate on those weird abnormalities dreams have.
The dream that stuck with me was about Space which is ironic since I turned on my computer and apparently it’s international space week or something!
According to dreammoods (my go to).
Space represents exploration and independent thought. This might be in relation to my new job since I am my own little business as I sell for Spectrum.
The dream was about going to the moon. An unknown man’s voice, though I believe I called him my father, said going to the moon was impossible. Yet I argued that people already have gone. The moon represents a hidden, mysterious aspect of one’s self. It’s also associated with feminine mystique and intuition. Perhaps my “father” was arguing that I’ll never be able to be my true self as a confident sexy woman.
Saturn was also in my dream. The alternative definition refers to the cycle of life and rebirth. Perfect for someone who transitioned.
Lastly, the sun which symbolizes peace of mind, enlightenment, tranquility, fortune, and good will. I believe this to be my subconscious at peace with new self and that I will be moving to a new job where I am excited to work to be successful instead of making pretty much the same every year.
These symbols made me peaceful. That I am peaceful. That I will be successful. That this new job I’ll be Joella 100%. My name got changed at Mavis.. My surgery was done when I was at Mavis. This new job symbolizes the new me. The fact that I cried and didn’t get jealous. The fact that I reflected on my own relationship. It all leads me to believe that my subconscious is at peace with my female psyche. I feel whole again.
The Transgender Times 